ฯ
กรุงเทพมหานคร อมรรัตนโกสินทร์ มหินทรายุธยา มหาดิลกภพ นพรัตนราชธานีบูรีรมย์ อุดมราชนิเวศน์มหาสถาน อมรพิมานอวตารสถิต สักกะทัตติยวิษณุกรรมประสิทธิ์
Above, in Thai script, is the official/actual name of Bangkok. It is the longest place name in the world.
Bangkok is the word used by foreigners. The word is thought to have been derived from "Bang" which means "a village on a stream" and either "ko" meaning island, or "makok" a plum/ olive like fruit.
I continue whiling away taking advantage of my time on the sofa with my flashcards trying to learn Thai and today's batch deals with grammatical symbols. Specifically, the ฯ symbol above, which is named เปยยาลน้อย and signifies that something is an abbreviation.
Alas, after five months of sofa-studying Thai, I have come to the conclusion that I might never be able to speak Thai well enough to not beget the famous Thai smile from strangers standing next to me, as they hear me ordering shrimp soup from a vendor at a Bangkok street stall.
It is a kinda of Mona Lisa smile. It is a kind smile. It is a smile that doesn't reveal any more information than affectionate amusement on the part of the smiler. It is a two second interaction in a city with millions of people and billions of interactions. They never say anything, they never correct anything. But something I am saying is definitely funny to them.
When I was at my best speaking French, working in a Parisian restaurant many moons ago, I always took it as a compliment if someone asked if I was Italian. It meant to me that my French wasn't bad but not quite right either. Which is to say they knew I was definitely not French, but it was better than being taken for a rube from Old Virginny.
I also learned Spanish, actually Castellano, in Spain many moons ago as well. In the way that Latin morphed into French, Italian, Portuguese etc. and proper British morphed into American, Aussie, Creoles etc. over the centuries, Castellano morphed into Mexican, Cuban, Peruvian etc. as the mother language adapted to the needs of a new country.
So speaking Castellano in Mexico is like Prince Charles speaking the King's English in 'da hood. The fact that Castellano is spoken with a slight lisp only adds to the hilarity in Macho Mexico. So I took it as a compliment as well when we were living in Mexico and Guatemala and some local would say at a loss "bro' where you from anyway?".
Alas I digress. Bangkok's shortened form (กรุงเทพฯ) sounds something like this in the long form:
Krungthep mahanakhon amon rattanakosin mahinthara ayuthaya mahadilok phop noppharat ratchathani burirom udomratchaniwet mahasathan amon piman awatan sathit sakkathattiya witsanukam rasit.
and translates to something like this:
The city of angels, the great city, the eternal jewel city, the impregnable city of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated god, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarma.
The point gentle reader and I did have a point at some point, is that if I didn't study these Thai grammar flashcards I would have never stumbled upon the sign for abbreviation; consequently, I never would have.... and hence neither would you..... have discovered the real name for Bangkok, the longest place name in the Guinness Book of World Records.
Here is an example of how I have also learned been humiliated enough to cause me to entertain the thought that I may never speak Thai at any more than a glorified tourist level. ไม้ใหม่ไม่ไหม้ไหม is transliterated to: "mai mai mai mai mai" and is translated into English as "new wood doesn't burn, does it?". Each one of the "mais" has a different tone (high, mid, low, rising, falling), so if you don't get the tone of each "mai" right, you will not be understood.
Yup folks, get the tone wrong and you get a big "huh?" from the man on the street. But with plenty of time and in the privacy of my study, I just might be able to read Thai some day.
We have now been quarantined in Bangkok for six months and have stayed in thirteen neighborhoods, which made for thirteen different two week vacations around Bangkok. The accommodations have included hotels, guesthouses, renovated shophouses, a private home and lastly what are called “skyscraper estates”. These “serviced apartments” are located in colossal, modernist, monolithic skyscrapers and I am gonna guess that the metal and concrete curves are computer drafted. They are glass and steel boxes high above the city that maximize expensive floor space.
From the 28th floor window I saw only the signs of ubiquitous brands, such as Subway, Starbucks, and McDonald’s. I thought about phoning down to reception to get my bearings, but it felt too much like the beginning of an episode of The Twilight Zone.
. 
Utter sameness, exported globally.
Real sois for real humans
Due to Covid, there are thousands of empty Airbnbs available in Bangkok. Gotta go with the flow so sometimes we move from a shophouse on a quiet soi to one of the nearby apartments/condos in one of those, well, modern skyscrapers.They offer high tech security, a pool and gym, at a cost of ~$20.00 per day. They seem to cater to young professionals.
Utter sameness, exported globally.
In the picture above is an old school wooden shophouse, which has a space for a small shop facing the street and accommodations for the family in the back or upstairs, stubbornly still standing in the midst of these state of the art "lifestyle communities". They are located on a soi, (small lane or alleyway). Like everywhere else in the world, Bangkok is gentrifying and philistine development threatens to erase these sois and old wooden structures as they are being torn down and replaced by gigantic modern monstrosities that are found in every city in the world.
To wit, I am writing this from the garden terrace of this gentrified shophouse on a quiet soi, where the rhythms of the old way of life play out every day. I look at the apartment building above and wonder what the office workers and condo dwellers think when they look down at the old poo-tao sitting in his underwear, typing away beneath an ancient plumeria tree. The cost of this renovated shophouse with two bedrooms, two baths and all the modern amenities is $600 a month.
When Airbnb first started in 2016, they developed/sold the concept of renting someone's home, as opposed to a sterile hotel room, as a new way to experience a destination. This new way of travelling promised non touristy neighborhoods, "meaningful experiences", mixing it up with the locals, a well provisioned kitchen, a touch of home and so on.
As is discussed in many business publications, Airbnb's business plan was immensely successful. So much in fact that many entrepreneurs bought multiple units as investments and never lived in the units. So along comes Covid and many of these investors now find themselves saddled with heavily mortgaged multiple units and no customers. In this zero sum real estate game Chef Ted and Lilly are the winners.
As Airbnb's popularity sky rocketed as tall as these building, it also made enemies. The hotel industry cried foul, claiming that they paid all the lodging taxes, insurance, business license fees etc. and thus Airbnb, paying nothing, amounted to nothing more than an illegal unlicensed hotel. Homeowners resented the continuing stream of transients coming and going at all hours, the wild parties, intrepid backpackers, people shooting pornos and drugs in their neighborhoods.
Many communities banned Airbnbs and Thailand is no exception. They are illegal here, but like many regulations in the Land of Smiles, prostitution, official corruption, smoking in public come to mind, everyone seems to look the other way.
We only use Airbnb Superhosts, because they almost guarantee things will go smoothly.
These Superhosts know what the traveler wants and they offer anonymous, discreet self check-ins for obvious reasons. Although we have never met these owners and for that matter, the neighbors either, they have always answered our texts about problems immediately and if the matter can't be solved over the phone, they have sent someone over.
However, in the downtown residential towers, it can get a little weird.
We have never had any problem in these residential towers and everyone seems to be in on the game. The security guards, the front desk, the neighbors in the elevator... all seem to be in on the fix. I mean they have to notice the only two white people in a building with a 1000 apartments.
However, I have read Airbnb reviews in which just arrived short term guests, jet-lagged from a 20 hour flight, write about being uncomfortable with the whole scene; with the prominent signs in the lobby that shout: RESIDENTIAL TOWER! NO SHORT TERM RENTALS! NO TRAVELERS! and all.
Security in these places is very tight. Fingerprint scanners, Covid testing upon entering the lobby etc., so sweet reader....it is weird and ergo..... it ain't for everybody
 |
| Ms, Zhang explains how they make shredded coconut mulch and coconut charcoal from the husks, after the milk and meat are processed at her coconut factory |
He was her doctor son. "Oh, so you're not the company driver then?
We hit if off with Ms. Zhang as she helped carry our bags and got us settled in our new skywalk condo. As I said, the check in process was, uh, a little unconventional. Brushing past the "NO TRAVELERS" signs in the lobby Ms. Zhang marched us into the locked security command center of the building. There were dozens of screens lining the walls, showing the views of security cameras from seemingly everywhere and from every possible angle. There was an obviously intimidated young man in charge of the security operation and she barked orders in Thai to him to facilitate recording our fingerprints in a high tech palm reader, which eventually allowed access to the elevators, rooftop pool and gym. The only place our fingerprints did not allow entrance was the bloody front door. We were instructed to wait for other residents, who were always coming and going, and follow them into the lobby.
This certainly made us feel like lurkers and creepy stalkers at times. It wasn't so bad during business hours, but some nights we would order to-go food from GRAB and would have to meet the delivery guy out in the driveway. At this time of night we might have to wait 5 or so minutes until a young hipster professional approached the door. As I said, they, like everyone else, looked the other way as a senior citizen farang, carrying two Margherita pizzas, slipped in behind them.
Anyhoo, one day she invited us to tour her coconut processing plant and then have lunch at a restaurant that specialized in the dishes of the northern Thailand district of Issan.
A few weeks later, we invited the couple out to a more contemporary restaurant. We heard her story. She was born in China and came to Thailand as a young girl. She said that she started that coconut factory with 400 baht ($12.78) in the late 1950's. As much as we insisted, she refused to let us pay the tab, pulling out a large plastic bag stuffed to the brim with baht. Here she smiles and says "Chinese people INVENTED money".
One tends to meet more humans when living on the sois. Meet X and, who else, his mom. They are the owners of Tamnan Thai Restaurant We first met X in our first few days in Bangkok and have eaten at his restaurant many times over the months. He has been nice enough to show us around the neighborhood, which is right smack in the middle of one of Bangkok's most notable red light districts.
One night X invited us back in the kitchen to watch the chef make a sea bass with yellow Thai curry and a spicy pork salad. Very clean kitchen and an artistic take on traditional Thai food.
I watched for a couple of weeks as an army of energetic young people transformed the erstwhile Casa Azul into the Instagram-able Pak Nang Restaurant This was the scene on close to opening night as Influencing Tik Tockers recorded every moment of the event.
Out with the old....in with the new.
Special thanks and a gratitude shout out to the government of the Kingdom of Thailand for the free Covid amnesty visa for the last ~six months. That visa awarded us first prize for the coolest and safest place in the world to quarantine.
Gentle reader, Wanderin' and a Ponderin' adventures they have been.
Thanks for stopping by
Comments