A Lu'au with a Local Kalua Pig

Two freshly trapped piglets head to the farm, while we prepare an imu for their cousins

We, mostly white, human beings that want to hang out in real nature, in ecovillages and such......have a problem with real nature getting in the way of our idea of how hanging out in the Hawaiian jungle really ought to be. No, the problem is not not the fire ants or the mold, but feral pigs. 

The pig is not a native animal to Hawaii. The original small black Polynesian pig arrived with the ancient Hawaiian settlers. The feral pigs that roam the forests today are a cross between that Polynesian pig and a later introduced European boar. These pigs, who alas, are only practicing natural behavior practiced by pigs everywhere, if given the chance, are just as content digging up our jungle gardens and accompanying expensive *natural* tropical landscaping. As such, in their search for food, they do do damage to the forests with their snouts, tusks and hooves as powerful tools;  they toto-till the jungle floor.

Hawaiian forests evolved without the presence of large mammals, such as pigs, so the damage done can be severe and far reaching...particularly in the rain forests. Pigs were so highly prized by the ancient Hawaiians that they were tended to in pens and thus did not run wild. As a result, when you have feral pigs running, well, ferally, they damage the soft forest floor and aggressive weeds quickly move in and overtake the native plants. Pigs rooting and wallowing, leave areas of mud and standing water that become breeding grounds for mosquitoes, which among other maladies, harbor a virus that is highly fatal to native birds and, as of late, have been identified as carriers of the Dengue and Zika diseases worldwide.

Pigs are fast breeding animals that can travel to areas in Hawaii that are difficult for humans to access. Although, pig hunting is quite popular with certain locals and it may control the number of pigs in small controlled areas, total eradication  is virtually impossible.

If Kalani did not have some kind of control program, we would be overrun by pigs in a month. In my time here, no one has had the slightest altercation with any of them, as if you get too close, they bolt into the jungle; but they do tear shit up. It is, however, a little disconcerting, when walking home at night with no moon, to suddenly find oneself in the middle of an extended ohana of pigs of various sizes, including Papa Boar. I often think "am I going to be the first and unlucky bastard to have these black beasts misread my intentions and eviscerate and then eat me?" Some first time guests here have been wandering around at night and unfairly or not, really had the fear of God put in them.

Due to the outcry at the sounds of gunfire at our "retreat center" we now trap the babies, like these two in the trap above, send them to be fattened up with our Kalani made pig slop, and then they are returned to us in a few months as butchered and inspected succulent pork. Farm to table folks.

Which one fine Hawaiian day, Ellard, Crystal and Paula, decided to try their hand at a luau.

Crystal, who used to manage dental offices in New Jersey, bones up on butchering techniques.

They decided to use an imu, a traditional underground pit oven. This first shot is at about 10:00 AM. They dug a hole and placed vesicular basalt stones in the hole and built a large fire to heat the stones.

As Ellard takes a break from tending the fire, Crystal is chopping banana tree trunks into smaller pieces to make the hali'i which means "to spread like a mat covering the floor". Local vegetation is then put on the hot rocks to create the steam that will cook the pig, You have met Ellard here in a few other posts. We were chefs in the kitchen together for two years. Ellard was a volunteer here 16 years ago, when it was, ahem, quite a different place. He has since left for Japan and you can follow his culinary adventures here: The Culinary Edge TV

They gathered some Chili peppers, lemons and limes, turmeric and Alaea sea salt

Alaea is the traditional Hawaiian sea salt used to season and preserve foodstuffs. It was also used in ceremonies to bless and purify tools and canoes and for medicinal and healing rituals. A small amount of red volcanic clay ('alae) rich in trace minerals is added to the evaporated sea water to form the final product, which is sometimes the only seasoning added to traditional and authentic Hawaiian dishes like Kalua pig, jerky and poke.

Mike, a house builder from Alaska cleans lemons and limes.

More banana leaves, trunks and Ti leaves as well as wet burlap bags, are added to the existing hali'i and placed on the coals and stones. What is to become local Kalua Pork and cabbage is placed on the hali'i. 

Due to the amount of work and time involved, Kalua pig was usually served at Hawaiian luau feasts, on the floor on woven hala mats. The word luau is the word for cooked young taro leaves that are eaten like spinach.

A final tarp and the remaining dirt from the hole is placed on everything to seal in the fragrant steam.That is Paula with the  shovel, a massage/yoga therapist from New Jersey. I don't know why I don't have have more pictures of Paula front center, 'cause she certainly did the work to warrant it.  Really, as I look at these pictures, while I do the final editing, Paula is always doing the heavy lifting while Crystal is posing for the pictures. They both worked the same but the pictures just came out as they did.

Andre, originally from Croatia in the black, helped out quite a bit as ohana event planner.

Nikolai, from Chicago has been here a few years, was in charge of the Belgian IPA. Nothing left to do but wait it out, boys and girls.

Chef Mark, who you have met in other posts, of course arrives when the heavy lifting is done and cocktail hour has officially started. After six hours of cooking, he declares it is a go. He better be right, because how are you going to put the imu back together if the pork is still raw?

Paula and Ellard remove the Kalua Pork from the imu.

and eventually about 50 people came to check it out. Fragrant it was, a lot like Bill's BBQ in Richmond if you remember that one.

My daughter Caroline came for her second visit to chill and for us to catch up. Since it was her second time to the Big Island we chose not to do back to back adventures like here: Caroline comes for a visit

We camped here at the Hillina Pali Overlook and chilled to the glow of Kilauea and the glow of the Milky Way.....getting shit straight.

One is not supposed to camp here I suppose, but I usually walk back in the woods a ways and have never had a problem. For all you stealth campers out there, this is the trailhead to about three different, more vigorous and lengthy two day hikes hikes that I will never be on. So, a ranger seeing a couple of parked cars is not a problem. Just don't be brushing your teeth in the shelter when people start coming for a quick selfie at about 9:00 AM.


 Hilina Pali  is at ~ 4000 feet, and at night, we considered it downright COLD!

Summit Hike to the crater of Mauna Ulu

We spent quite a few days hanging at "the Bubble" getting a massage from the students at the Hawaii School of Massage, taking a few yoga classes, like Yin and Restorative that emphasize laying on the floor, hanging at the pool, cruising the Red Road and partaking of the multiple adventures on it. Here was Caroline's campsite D4 for a few days. People who remember her from last time welcomed her back.

along Trent Lane near D4.

Caroline flew into Kona so I had set up a camp here at Kohanaiki beach. Formally known as the Pines, it had just re-opened after a lengthy legal battle with the luxury development next door. Fortunately, the courts have consistently ruled that all Hawaiians have free access to all beaches.

We spent a few days in Kona checking out several of the white sand beaches at a respectably leisurely pace and in this case, father and daughter practiced....

the tried and true Big Island healing remedies: sun, surf, rest and oxygen therapy.
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Love that one can camp on beaches like Kohanaiki smack dab in the middle of Kona and have it be this empty.




Hualalai Beach, another one of those cases of the Four Seasons being right on the beach, but the public has free access. Don't want to be a Hawaii snob, but there are better beaches in Kona.


Headed back on a Puna jungle road


Stopped at Luquin's like we did last time for a little carne asada.

Malama Flats along Red Road.

Onekahakaha Beach Park near Hilo.

The Sunday afternoon hippie fest at Kehena Beach.

Somebody gets their ass handed to them swimming at Kehena almost every week.

I now consider it like swimming in a swirling gravel quarry...the joy/panic ratio just ain't right.

Caroline surreptitiously snapped this one in the middle of the drum circle.

Sprouted coconut waiting for someone to plant it on......

where else, the new coconut beach, that is well on its way to one day replacing the destroyed Kaimu beach, reputedly the most beautiful black sand beach in Hawaii at the time.

On Sept 7, 2014, political representatives of the Reinstated Kingdom of Hawaii formally approved a set of Contact Protocols for extraterrestrial visitors to Hawaii’s Star Visitor Sanctuary in the Puna region of the Big Island of Hawaii. The Sanctuary was first proposed in a Declaration that was approved by five representatives from the Reinstated Kingdom on May 28, 2014. The Declaration is an official invitation to extraterrestrials, aka “Star Visitors,” to appear and meet with representatives of the Kingdom of Hawaii and the general public at the Sanctuary. The newly approved Contact Protocols are the first time representatives of a sovereign state have publicly approved official measures in response to the appearance and/or contact with extraterrestrial life.

When Caroline asked a dude near the UFO landing/welcoming site how business was, he drolly replied that it "had been kind of slow".




Snorkeling at the Warm Ponds near Kapoho.

One day we hiked to the top fall of the Wailuku, which starts at ~10,800 feet between the Mauna Loa and Mauna Kea lavas and is the longest river in Hawaii.

Scenes on the way up

Caroline snapped this one of me as I huffed and puffed my way up.

A hike one day to the Steam Vents from the 1955 eruptions that later destroyed Kapoho in 1960.


They are still steaming and certain hippie women reportedly have full moon ceremonies and do stuff with menstrual blood inside the small caves. Although right off the main road, it is kind of spooky down there, even in the daytime.

On the 1992 lava flow that buried Kalapana one night from Curtis' property. (meet Curtis below)

The 2015 flow that threatened Pahoa. That red roof in the background was on the barn that burnt and it became the focal point of a video repeatedly played by CNN to show the world the level of possible incineration we faced. 


On Caroline's last day at Kalani, she attended the Monday morning staff meeting and was given this farewell lei, which guarantees that she will return soon. She left it here under this Monkey Pod Tree as a tribute to the memory of her step father Steve's dog, Emmi.

and poof! she was gone. A Hui Hou Caroline.

Career Change: although for some reason, when new volunteers ask me "what do I do", the answer of "Accounting and Purchasing Specialist" doesn't have the same intrigue and coolness factor as "Chef Ted"

Be that as it may, Thanksgiving was my last memorable shift as a chef here at Kalani. It was not one thing that led to the decision but I am sure standing up for 40 years had something to do with it.

So.... Kalani management did a magic trick and I metamorphosed into a "Accounting and Purchasing Specialist", a job title that I actually came up with. Yup, now I sit on this ball in the office, sometimes barefooted.

That would be Curtis, a retired school principal from the Bay area, who I am replacing as he leaves to pursue love interests in one of those places in Canada that no one cares about. Curtis and a few others have begun what might become sort of a tiny house community on top of the 1992 lava flow in the now buried town of Kalapana. He has enlisted people to create dirt to grow shade trees, and they have chipped away to build a somewhat level parking space. These lots can be had for ~$17,000; no driveway, no water, no electricity, no shade, banks won't touch a mortgage in this "challenged" area, cash only ....as is. Enjoy Curtis! I will visit.

That is Betsey behind him, a long time resident, closeted hillbilly music enthusiast and at least at the present, our Accounting Manager.

Curtis would never use the title "Purchasing and Accounting Specialist" to describe his job...more like purchasing dude. His job is to make the weekly van/town run to the myriad of shops in Hilo that keep Kalani up and running.

I have been on the Town Run twice with Curtis and am amazed at all the stuff one needs to live "the simple life". Here we are at the recycling center, where I got a eye popping first hand look at how many booze bottles it takes to live "the simple life" at a "wellness center" in Hawaii for a week. 

Good God, man! 

We made about ~15 stops in the port/industrial part of Hilo. We headed home with the van loaded down with tractor oil O-rings, 2 X 4's, mattress pads, yellow dye, toner cartridges, diatomaceous earth and more. Whew, and we are not the only ones that make these trips. Ah, the illusion of a simple jungle life. Nothing simple about it, mate.

Finally, meet my friend Terry, a man who was in the thick of it in the late 60's in the Southern California scene. He then spent the last 30 years in the Pacific Northwest. We worked together in the kitchen and he too has changed "professions" and was promoted to pool boy. Now this is a clothing optional pool that welcomes groups from LA that are seeking to master the hula hoop, and as such, Terry says the new job is not without its perks.

Terry started diving when he was nine and went on to become a professional diver and all things ocean guy. He has countless stories about whales and the boat characters he met. As I said about Kehena Beach, people are frequently getting bashed about and swept out to sea (luckily, these unlucky souls have always been fished out by some Good Samaritan). Terry volunteered to share his knowledge about water and how to be safe in it.

After a discussion about the nature of waves, rip tides and the classification of wind speeds, we moved oceanside where he pointed out these things and how to use them to your advantage or avoid them. The most important thing I got out of Terry's talk was that the water does not splatter you all over the beach, the energy in the water does. As we are basically water ourselves, the energy from the friction of the wind molecules on the water molecules passes from the wave into us and if you are not paying attention, can make you pay...especially in Hawaii.

The other pertinent nugget I gleaned from Terry's class was that when a wave breaks, the wave releases that energy and that energy, needing a place to go, takes the path of least of resistance back out to sea where it dissipates.This is called a rip tide. They are made for going out, not in. Surfers and swimmers catch this free ride out to the waves. Inexperienced swimmers can get caught in one and panic which leads to more panic and exhaustion.

So sweet people, the next time you unexpectedly find yourself in a rip, enjoy the ride out until the energy dissipates, swim parallel to the shore away from the rip and catch the waves back in.

You have met my friend "the system is flawed" Carrie in several other posts. She has been here twice as a volunteer and recently came from Vancouver for a month's visit. One day, out adventuring, we stopped in Laupahoehoe for a little almost double rainbow action. 

Hawaii was the first place I saw where the base of the arc of a rainbow touches the earth, or in this case the ocean. I, of course, have seen the top of the arc in other rainbows, but mountains and such always blocked the view of the contact with the earth. In this case at Laupahoehoe, the base of the rainbow seemed so close that one could dive in, swim out 10 yards and grab the pot of gold. Probably swim a long time and come home disappointed. Oh, sweet illusion.

Carrie will get her own post one day when she allows the release of her interesting story into the ether. She just has to get over the fact that she is finally retired from "that system that is flawed".

thanks for stopping by