A hui hou, Amanda

Since I don't have Facebook to emphasize how much fun I am having and how much it must suck to be you, I will create my own and write an ode to Amanda and our time together. 

 

 

 I have pondered a bit in previous posts about the transitory nature of this place in Hawaii I have wandered to. To refresh your memory gentle reader, at seven months of service, I am one of the longer term members of this rustic retreat center, in which there are ~135  "volunteers". The longest volunteer, not counting the founder, has been here 19 years, others around ~5 years. After about six months, most of us become some type of paid employee. Most of the "volunteers" pay ~$600 a month to work ~24 hours a week in the various departments. They in return get to hang out in, for God's sake, in an isolated part of paradise for relatively cheap. Great adventures can be and are had by most.

 

 

Most of the volunteers stay one to three months. I am now in my third cycle of new arrivals. Unlike when I first arrived, it can take me a month to learn someone's name. It is just too exhausting to befriend everyone, especially if they are going to disappear in two weeks.

 

 

As I have reported in other posts, the ages of the volunteers range from 18 to 70, but most are in their twenties to early forties. The ratio is also about 3 or 4 single women to each straight man. Certainly many are here for spiritual reasons, healing reasons, and are consequently not interested in romance, but a lot are shall we say, willing to let it flow where it may. Hawaii is the freaking Aloha state after all.

 

 

But relationships are relationships, even at Kalani, and I did not have the best record in them when I arrived here. For the first four months, I just watched village life. All kinds of drama can result when you potentially can see someone you want to avoid, every 10 minutes during the day. There were incidents of one party or another believing they were in more of a relationship than the other apparently thought.

This could lead to unseemly consternation/yelling/crying incidents outside of the tents and hales of the imprudent, when one or the other stopped by for a midnight re-visit, only to find their  roommate or workmate had had the same idea. After two divorces and countless misunderstandings, sweet people, this was definitely not an avenue that I wanted to stroll.

 

But after four months, I started to think that maybe it was time for a girlfriend. But which one? I had communal dinner with dozens; I had had road trips, jungle adventures, camping with many more, checked them out in my Hawaiian Jams at the *CLOTHING OPTIONAL POOL* for Christ's sake. Instead of being friends with the whole god-damned ohana, maybe it was time to zero in. But which one?

 

 





There is advice given here to newcomers: Be careful what you ask for, because if you wish it, Pele is going to deliver it.

So one night I am pondering my quandary, alone at a communal dining table, and Amanda, 32 and originally from Mustang, Oklahoma (here to study various forms of massage, including lomi lomi, which turned out to be a real bonus for me) comes through the dark and stormy night and asks if anyone is sitting in the chair next to me. I look to my left and see eight empty chairs and look across the table and see eight more empty chairs. Washing down some quinoa with my of course organic and gluten free Jasmine tea, I said there were some reservations but they sure looked like no-shows. By all means ma'am, please make yourself at home.

 

After the normal new volunteer awkward questions of: where are you from?, how long are you here?, tent or cabana?, what department will you be working in?, she looked me in the eye and said " I am a mermaid and Pele sent me here to be your girlfriend".

 

I will continue the story of my first and probably only encounter with a mermaid, but  first I must mention a few distinguished guests that were here in high season. Vinyasa Power Yoga guru Baron Baptiste rented the entire property for an entire week. Check out Baron's empire at the above site. Kalani management did allow two guests to stay here though...yup one Charles Leake and Rebecca Curtis. They became honorary ohana, which still has them talking at the smoker's tent about having two Ted's here. Actually, someone quipped, since we are both Gemini, it was like having four Leakes wandering the property at all hours.

A little secluded Pacific Ocean pool at Secret Beach.

 

 

The thermal springs at Pohoiki Park.

 

Early morning coffee with almond milk with Chef Mark. Mark is a super chef that managed Harrods's in London, cooked for the Queen and was a chef on many Saudi king's and prince's super yachts and other obscenely rich and eccentric people.

Read Mark's Story Here:  Chef to Royalty, Dictators and Despots

 

Charles giving Rebecca a little South Seas air conditioning.

 

Rebecca captured by my telescopic lense in a pensive moment at Secret Beach.

 

Namaste gentle reader.

 

One day we hiked the one way two and one half mile old government road to Shipman Beach. Read about Mr. Shipman here: Waipi'o Valley

 

Although Charles and Rebecca had never been there, they beat us by an hour. (We take lots of breaks) We  eventually lollygagged on in in our safari hats. Maybe some are wanderers and some are more achievement orientated?

 

 Hawaiians dislike the word goodbye, so they use the phrase "a hoi hou" or until we meet again. Just a little less final than goodbye. So we a hoi hou-ed Charles and Rebecca after a week of good times and welcomed a more controversial group. Leather and Leis also bought out the entire property for four days. I say controversial because many staff members felt that letting a sado-masochistic group have the run of a place that is more accustomed to yoga, aloha, Namaste and spiritual journey retreats seemed like blasphemy.

 

The leaders of the group met with people who were concerned and sold S&M as a spiritual journey as well. As Kalani was founded at a time when homosexuality was a crime (the founder was at Stonewall) I think they still support people on the fringe. As admirable as this freedom of expression is amongst consenting adults, folks, this was the real thing: slave auctions, fire whipping, pony play, blood splatter all in a specifically designed dungeon that included crosses and hanging devices.

No one got seriously hurt, although they screamed a lot and they left happy customers. The above sign and others like it were placed in conspicuous places to keep this crowd's antics from spilling over into public places where uninterested or appalled volunteers could see it. But word on the coconut wireless was that several volunteers joined right in. Jeeze but what a crude and overweight crowd it was.

 

Read more here: Leather and Leis Website

 

Amanda and I became inseparable and ate almost every meal together for her three month stay. We also travelled around the Big Island quite a bit.

 

Here our buddy Jarred, an IT guru from Atlanta and hairdresser for the Kalani ladies, enjoys the Botanical Gardens outside of Hilo. 

 

Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras Party with Zydeco DJ at the field of dreams on property.

 

 

with Jamie, 32, a former corporate marketing executive, from Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. Jamie is a shift leader in the kitchen with me and doesn't even bother to say Oconomowoc when people ask where she is from...just Wisconsin as she is savvy enough to know that nobody knows shit about Wisconsin. We have had many adventures and trips together. Her visiting friend Trisha is a sea lion trainer in Florida. Here we are at Champagne Pond, a thermal spring nearby, which does not look anything like champagne....clear warm thermal pond would be more like it.(Not that I have become an Hawaii thermal pool snob...just saying that they chose the wrong adjective.)


 

After Valentine's Day dinner in Pahoa, we stopped at a Kava bar for a bowl. It is popular in the islands for its relaxing effects. I was dubious, but Amanda insisted.


I told Amanda that I didn't feel anything...but this is how she discovered me the next morning.

At the Wednesday afternoon party at Uncle Robert's in Kalapana.

At the sea arches near Volcano National Park.



Amanda had been in the Peace Corps in Columbia, spent a month at Esalen Institute in Big Sur and now three months wandering and a pondering in Hawaii with me. She had not had a paying job in almost three years and the call from the working world in Dallas got louder and louder. It was time for one more trip together. I checked my "Big Island Revealed" and we headed south, then west to the Kona side of the island.

 

 

 

 

Great snorkeling, near Pu' uhonua o Honaunau, the ancient Place of Refuge, Two Step beach.

 

The Southern Most Point in the United States. No, it is not Key West. Many people jump off here, but I decided to give it a pass.

 

Pu' uhonua o Honaunau or the Place of Refuge on the Kona Coast. In ancient times, commoners lives were governed by the kapu system. There were a dizzying number of laws to observe. Those of the lower classes weren't allowed to look at or even walk on the same trails as the upper classes. Men and women were forbidden to eat together, citizens were not allowed to get close to a chief or allow their shadow to fall across them, etc. All manner of laws kept order.

The penalty for breaking any of the laws was usually the same-death by club, strangulation, fire or spear. (well it is nice to have choices at least.) If the offense was severe enough, the offender's entire family was killed. It was believed that the gods retaliated against lawbreakers by sending tidal waves, lava flows, droughts and earthquakes, so communities had a great incentive to dispatch lawbreakers with haste.
If a lawbreaker could elude his club or spear wielding pursuers however, he had a way out of his mess-the Place of Refuge. The predesignated area offered asylum. If a lawbreaker could make it here, he could perform certain rituals mandated by the kahuna pule. After that, all was forgiven and he could return home as if nothing had happened, regardless of the violation. Defeated warriors could also come here to await the victor of a battle. They could then swear allegiance to whoever won and live out their lives in peace.

 

Though this system might seem harsh...ok it is harsh, we could not let it get in the way of the occasional cold one.

 

 

Captain Cook did something on this side of Kealakekua Bay, but I forget what it was. 

 

Amanda ponders the site of Captain Cook's death on the other side of the bay. So what finally happened to Cook? After exploring other islands, Cook arrived on the Big Island in November of 1778. His good luck was it was the season of Makahihi, a religious time when wars were held in abeyance to appease the god Lono. The Hawaiians thought Cook was Lono and as such offered all manner of supplies to ensure the land would become fertile again. Eventually, they became suspicious of the visitors. If they were gods, why did they accept Hawaiian women? And if they were gods, why did one of them die?

Cook and crew had used up the Hawaiian's hospitality and supplies and left at the right time. Unfortunately for them, a center mast broke and they limped back to Kealakekua for repairs. The Hawaiians were not amused and wanted to know why the fuck they came back and what the fuck did they want now?

The condensed version is things got tense as they lost respect for the British. A petty squabble over a stolen rowboat escalated and Cook and his men were surrounded by tens of thousands of armed Hawaiians. Cook and Cook's men fired upon the Hawaiians and Cook was clubbed and stabbed to death.

 

 

 As the time started to tick away, we decided to celebrate Amanda's 33rd birthday at the tony golf mega resort in Waikoloa in north Kahaola. You can't beat the killer location of the Lava Lava Beach Club right on Anaeho'omalu beach.


We weren't the only people taking pictures at Anaeho'omalu Beach at sunset, as it is a sunset photographer's dream come true.

while being serenaded by the only Hawaiian within miles. As the sun slips below the horizon, there is a bright green flash. Apparently some kind of atmospheric thingy or another.

 

Macadamian nut crusted Ahi tuna with pineapple salsa. 

  

One last 100% Kona latte in the Kona coffee growing highlands overlooking the beaches. Those are coffee bushes in the background.


We didn't want it end, so we got this cabin back in Puna, a few miles down the road from Kalani at a cool community with eight volunteers. Ti leaves, as always, keeping out the baddies.



We got back to Kalani and it was time to strike Amanda's hale.

and poof! she was gone. The ephemeral nature of specifically mermaids and generally messengers from Pele? A HUI HO Amanda, it was a stone cold groove my friend!

 

 

Thanks for stopping by